Friday, September 09, 2005


ESPN is reporting that a Directions Research, Inc. survey of fans has pegged the Browns with the ugliest uniforms in the NFL.
So, all those clothing catalogs that come out each fall toting "Earthy" colors -- such as brown and orange -- are lying to us straight-faced?
Fact of the matter is, the NFL is full of ugly uniforms. Don't try to tell me the Cowboys have the best uniforms, as this survey did. Fans that vote for the Cowboys are voting for the image, the cheerleaders, the success, as much as they are voting for a silver helmet with a blue star on the side.
NFL uniform designers, when not being ugly, are being unimaginative and redundant. Since the fashion-conscious fans are letting Cleveland have it, let's just see how beautiful the rest of the NFL is:

New York Jets and Giants: Yes, please, let's bring back our uniforms from the 1960s, when our teams won exactly one championship combined. Gray pants? Screw Eli Manning, the Giants really want to wheel Frank Gifford and Pat Summerall back out. Hey, how about leather helmets and steel cups?

Pittsburgh Steelers: Memo to all Pittsburgh teams: there are other color schemes available that don't make you look like the Mexican guy in the bumblebee suit from the "The Simpsons." Dan Rooney, put your ripped-off steel logo on both sides or not at all. The one-side deal makes your team look like displaced NASCAR drivers.

Baltimore Ravens: You have a picture of a crow on the side of your helmet. Enough said.

Buffalo Bills: Your jerseys are dark blue with red, white, gray and medium blue trim. Prostitutes at the Navy docks aren't this busy. And they're probably better looking.

Green Bay Packers: Your team looks like 11 John Deere tractors running around. Whe I see the Packers, I have an overwhelming urge to cut my grass.

Chicago Bears: What's your team nickname again? Oh, yeah. I wouldn't know it to look at your uniforms.

Minnesota Vikings: Did Vikings really run around with purple helmets?

Detroit Lions: The name says "Lions." The uniforms colors say "American Airlines."

Oakland Raiders: Most people associate your uniforms with gang violence. Maybe it's time to consider a change.

Kansas City Chiefs: Your helmets look like they belong on top of a banana split.

Seattle Seahawks: What color is that? Bluish-greenish-grayish-silver? It looks like something a second-grader might mix during paint day in art class.

Arizona Cardinals: Proof positive that Bill Bidwill is the cheapest bastard ever to own an NFL team. Thirty-five years, and he still hasn't splurged for colored helmets, colored facemasks or decent players.

Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans and Carolina Panthers: Variations on teal and/or light blue. The dreaded "Charlotte Hornets" effect.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Screw "pewter power." I will never let you forget those Sunny Delight-colored jerseys from the 1980s, or your winking pimp-pirate mascot, Bucco Bruce. You are forever cursed.

Denver Broncos: I don't care if you won two Super Bowls. You forced John Elway to trot out wearing a uniform that looks like it belongs in "Starship Troopers."

Washington Redskins: Two words: ketchup and mustard.

Cincinnati Bengals: You were fine until you raided your grandma's ugly quilt stash and used it to redesign your jerseys and pants.

Miami Dolphins: Aqua was different and cool in the 20th Century. Now, it just looks like algae water.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Padilla can be held without charges
Corpses, Guns Found in New Orleans Homes Iraqi: U.S. Troops Not Needed in 2 Years Panel: Pentagon Overestimated Base Savings Court: 'Dirty Bomb' Suspect Can Be Held Musharraf Praises Sharon on Gaza Pullout ...
Click here for a free online dating related website