Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Thank you, Terrell

Thank you, Terrell Owens.
Thank you being such an overwhelming, unapologetic ass that you got yourself suspended for the rest of the year without taking a toke, shoving a needle in your arm or throwing a punch in public.
In the NFL, in professional sports in general, getting a season suspension for violations of the mouth is impressive. Already, you have red-flagged yourself to the point that, should the Eagles release you, your options might be limited to awful teams desperate for some media run (think Arizona Cardinals) or the perennial Last Chance Gulch for bad boys, the Oakland Raiders.
Terrell Owens and Randy Moss on the same team. Chew on that one for a while.
Thank you for being such a team cancer that the Eagles finally decided they'd rather do without your superlative talent and take their chances trying to salvage their season with better team players. Again, for a defending conference champion to say "thanks, but no thanks" to a potential future hall-of-famer in the prime of his career is impressive. It shows just what a uniquely abrasive personality you have.
In fact, I think your talent for making enemies is greater than your talent as a receiver. It's a gift.
Thank you for embracing that gift.
Thank you for your unapologetic apologizing today. It reeked of Pete Rose "Yeah, I bet on baseball. Will you reinstate me now?"
You told the fans and coach Andy Reid that "I fight for what I think is right" and sometimes alienate people in the process.
So, calling into question the sexual orientation of Jeff Garcia is right?
Telling the entire nation that you'd prefer Brett Favre as a quarterback is right?
Creating a front-and-center media circus while your team is struggling is right?
Thank you for standing by your convictions, Terrell. You are petty, selfish, bitter, spoiled, and cherish every minute of being the man people love to hate.
For an encore, maybe you can sucker-punch Donovan McNabb's mom during a "Chunky Soup" commercial.
Thank you, Terrell, for never forgetting it's all about you. An Eagles win means nothing if you couldn't debut a new touchdown celebration. Downfield blocking is useful only to prove you can do it to shut up your many critics.
I bet you're jealous that Chad Johnson came up with the "defensive back bitch-of-the-week" list before you could.
On the other hand, maybe you are so aloof you could care less who is covering you. They can't stop you, anyway.
Thank you Terrell. Thanks for mounting selfish act on top of selfish act until you become an NFL leper. You are doing it. Don't stop now. One day, all 32 teams will turn their backs on you and you will be the most talented receiver in the world, playing in the CFL.
I hope your career lasts long enough for us to see that groundbreaking achievement.
You are one in a million, T.O. Thank you for gracing us with your presence.

2 comments:

pb said...

A list is being compiled of songs that should be on T.O.'s iPod. View what some people have already voted for, then add your own.

http://www.pambanana.com/to/

Abrasivist said...

I did a tasteless spoof where Saddam Hussein has fired all his attornies and hired Owen's agent Rosenhaus.

Rosenhaus says that Saddam has been mistreated by the media and apologizes. Says he expects his client to be reinstated to ruthless dictator immediately.

About sums up my feelings about the two of them...and their sincerity.

As I recall, McNabb did quite well without Owens for quite a few weeks last year.