Hark! What light through yon window breaks? It is the East, and sweet gleam of five rings!
Romeo doth have a lean and hungry look (OK, maybe not so lean). Shine forth, you bright gleam. It is hope! It is victory, dare I smell, on the Eastern Wind, caressing my face from the New Land of England.
He is king, Romeo. Long live King Romeo! King, Lord Master of the Brown Warriors from Cleveland.
Dare this not be tragedy like so many Shakespearian works. Boldly, say, we may step forth into a new dawn. An assemblage of newsmen carried forth the word from the land of Berea on Tuesday, 8 February in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Five.
King Crennel, Act I, Scene Four: The chamber of Lord Lerner, House of Brown.
Romeo (stage left): Dark, dawn crests over the airport hills and I arrive. Conquerer, not yet, but a willing combatant.
Lord Lerner: Much of my gold I shall bestow at your feet, if you shall only rescue my house from the shame Lord King Master Sultan General Butch doth left us to bear. My back is sore, my legs quiver at this burdenous load!
Romeo (drawing his sword): This, dear Master, is the blade which has slid across the throats of many dragons. Not least, the legions of Philadelphia, which I have come from slaying forthright. With your gold and trust, I shall go to battle with my men, and though I cannot guarantee the Ultimate Prize, I shall spill much enemy blood for this house.
Lord Lerner: The House of Patriot and Lord Kraft are indeed benevolent champions, to allow us your servitude.
Romeo: I have the knee of Grand Master Belichick to thank for my winning spirit, for it is at that knee I learned how to be a Dragon Slayer.
Lord Lerner: I understand, but thou must never speak that name, Belichick, within this manor, or face the Brimstone that shall well from the Earth.
Romeo: Very well. So when shall I meet the warriors and the masses?
Lord Lerner: Forthright. A mass of pressmen have assembled in the Grand Hall to meet your arrival. And do please put that sword away before. General Butch swung his blade like a club, and pierced the chests of many in this manor.
Romeo (sheathing his sword): That I shall. So I meet them, and onto another new horizon!
(Both exit stage left)
In part two: Romeo faces the beating eye of the Assembled Presse.
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