Monday, May 01, 2006

Pittsburgh, Ohio

Geez, Pittsburgh, why didn't you say so?
If you really want to become a part of Ohio that badly, you should have told us. We'd gladly trade Toledo, Youngstown and Bob Taft to Pennsylvania for Pittsburgh, Johnstown and catastrophic flood to be named later.
But, no, you have to go the passive-aggressive route, like an ornery neighbor who keeps blowing his leaves into our yard.
You have to keep taking our football players and fashioning them as weapons against us.
Two years ago, the Steelers drafted Ben Roethlisberger, a Findlay native, from Miami, Ohio. That year, the Steelers went 15-1. Then they won the Super Bowl a year later.
This weekend, the Steelers pilfered Ohio State wide receiver Santonio Holmes in the first round, then swiped Bowling Green quarterback Omar Jacobs in the fifth round.
It's not good enough to just beat the tar out of the Browns twice a year, is it? You have to kidnap our best football players, brainwash them, and turn them into gridiron assassins bent on destroying us. And doing a damn good job of it.
Your coach is a former Brown. Your quarterback is an Ohioan. Even your punter you gleaned from the Browns. Now two Ohio draft picks in one year.
When you get right down to it, this already is Pittsburgh's state. They own it, we're just living in it. So please, Dan Rooney, if you are going to start charging Ohio residents rent for living in your state, just keep it reasonable. Half this state is dirt poor as it is.

2 comments:

Sussman said...

Anthony Smith (2nd round pick, safety from Syracuse) is from Hubbard, Ohio

Anonymous said...

And don't forget that native Clevelander Mike Kudla was just signed as an undrafted free agent only 2 hours after the draft. How could you miss that? It was reported by your old paper after all.