I deserve something.
If I am among a minority of sports fans around the country who have never experienced a hometown championship, who have never known the feeling of skipping work to go downtown to watch the title parade, I should at least get something out of my near-lifelong devotion to the teams of Cleveland.
And I think I have. It doesn't quite qualify as a consolation prize, but King Solomon would have been proud. I have gained wisdom.
Read on, and drink in the lessons that have come from the city by the lake.
Never underestimate yourself. Your opponent is not the Big Bad Wolf, and you are not the Three Little Pigs.
Keep things in perspective. No matter the final score, a billion people in China don't care that you played the game.
Never challenge the fat guy to a fight.
It's OK to let your anger out in a constructive fashion, such as destroying a buffet table with a baseball bat.
Always wear a helmet when you are practicing high-speed motorcycle stunts in a deserted parking lot.
--Kellen Winslow Jr.
If Michael Jordan is going up for a game-winning shot, make sure you're not the one guarding him, otherwise you are going to be immortalized in a very bad way.
The most important six inches in football are between the breastbone and the backbone.
...Unless those six inches are right in front of the goal line in the AFC Championship Game.
In Cleveland, winning a playoff series qualifies as a miracle.
If your man isn't open, always, always, always throw it to the blonde in the fifth row.
Never insult someone's momma right before he's about to take the mound against you.
Stick with the fastball when the game's on the line.
If your team is bad, admit it.
--Bill Fitch, Chris Palmer
If your team is bad, don't admit it.
If your team is bad, say it's "all part of the process."
In theory, a contender can be manufactured out of toothpicks and rubber bands.
If you really don't want people to publish your postgame comments, just mumble.
If you are going to move your team and rip your city's heart out, make sure you go about it in the most up-front, dignified way possible.
--Art and David Modell
Rehab is for quitters. So are diets.
It's never, ever about the money.
--Jim Thome, Manny Ramirez, Albert Belle, Kevin Millwood, etc., etc.