Tuesday, August 22, 2006

God is a Cleveland fan (no, really)

If God isn't a Cleveland fan, how do you explain this statue of Jesus, a picture of which arrives here courtesy of Deadspin.com? The accompanying Deadspin caption mentions Notre Dame, but they actually had a pretty good season last year.
No, this depiction of Jesus shows Him with his hand covering His face, in a obvious gesture of Cleveland shock and disbelief.
The statue is a very powerful symbol of Cleveland's despair as a sports town, but it lacks a name. That's where we come in.
In an attempt to give the statue a name that reflects the power of its imagery, I have come up with a few candidates:

1. "Jesus watches the Indians at any point between 1959 and 1993."

2. "Jesus watches as Bill Cowher holds the Vince Lombardi Trophy"

3. "Jesus after listening in on an Art Modell conversation with Baltimore officials: October, 1995"

4. "...The Cleveland Browns take Mike Junkin ..."

5. "Curveballs in the dirt: October, 1997"

6. "Jesus realizes He gave Michael Jordan too much talent"

7. "Jesus as He realizes the freak snow storm He sent to stall The Drive missed Cleveland and hit Buffalo."

8. "Jesus concentrates as he attempts to dechiper a Bill Belichick press conference."

9. "Dangit, LeBron, you're GONNA sign that extension!"

10. "Jesus watches LeCharles Bentley get carted off the field."

11. "Jesus watches Bob Hallen retire."

12. "Jesus watches Alonzo Ephraim get suspended for doping."

13. "Jesus realizes that, at some point in the future, David Modell could be an NFL owner again."

14. "Jesus realizes that, at some point in the future, Butch Davis could be an NFL head coach again."

15. "Jesus listens as Larry Dolan purchases the Indians."

16. "Jesus listens as Mark Shapiro and Eric Wedge agree that Casey Blake would make a good right fielder."

17. "... the Cleveland Cavaliers take DeSagana Diop ..."

18. "Jesus watches C.C. Sabathia order a Double Whopper value meal during the offseason."

19. "Jesus realizes that 'Major League: Back to the Minors' is not about the Indians."

20. "Jesus is asked to critique the acting in 'The Kid From Cleveland.'"

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