On to the other half of the field...
(1) Duke over (16) Southern
Reasoning: The "Redick-ilous" sign at the ACC Tournament is hands down the best use of a last name in wordplay since "U can't beat R Johnson" from the 2001 World Series.
(8) George Washington over (9) UNC-Wilmington
Reasoning: First in war, first in peace, and about ... oh, 40th or so in the NCAA Tournament.
(5) Syracuse over (12) Texas A&M
Reasoning: Syracuse is doing a really good job of shutting up their critics at the moment.
(4) LSU over (13) Iona
Reasoning: Dammit, Iona, get a different name. I almost mistook you for Iowa and put you in the next round.
(5) West Virginia over (11) Southern Illinois
Reasoning: We should allow ourselves to be Pittsnogled for as long as possible.
(3) Iowa over (14) Northwestern State
Reasoning: That's a "W", right? Just double-checking.
(10) North Carolina State over (7) California
Reasoning: This is what passes for an upset special with me.
(2) Texas over (15) Penn
Reasoning: If you're like me, you can't get enough of optical illusions that look like Daniel Gibson's wiener.
(1) Memphis over (16) Oral Roberts
Reasoning: If you watched "The Colbert Report" Tuesday, you'll know that Oral Roberts has a 900-ft. Jesus on their side. But Memphis was the home of Elvis, who is the king of rock 'n roll, which used to be a staple of MTV, which previously aired Beavis and Butt-head, who once lampooned a video by an artist named MC 900-ft. Jesus. So as far as I'm concerned, it's a push. But I'll take Memphis on a whim.
(9) Bucknell over (8) Arkansas
Reasoning: With memories of last year's upset over Kansas still fresh, Bucknell still makes big schools a bit nervous. They just won't admit it.
(5) Pittsburgh over (12) Kent State
Reasoning: Yeah, like I'm going to pick Kent.
(4) Kansas over (13) Bradley
Reasoning: Kansas and Bucknell are two wins away from facing each other again this year. Take a cold shower, Bucknell.
(11) San Diego State over (6) Indiana
Reasoning: I am just questioning the Hoosiers' motvitation to play for a lame-duck coach. Several players have reportedly made no bones about their desire to transfer after the season.
(3) Gonzaga over (14) Xavier
Reasoning: The 'stache. Only for the 'stache.
(10) Alabama over (7) Marquette
Reasoning: In all honesty, I was getting close to finishing, and I didn't think I had enough upsets.
(2) UCLA over (15) Belmont
Reasoning: Belmont? Davidson? Winthrop? Hampton? Monmouth? Do smallish, expensive, upper-crust liberal arts schools have first refusal rights on the 15 and 16 seeds? Heaven help us if Vassar starts admitting guys.
Up next: First-round damage assessment, and picks for the second round.