Friday, March 03, 2006

Hey Johnson!

Apparently, one photo has been causing quite a stir down Texas way. In the end, it's probably an indictment of just how perverted and sex-driven our society has become.
If you examine the photo closely, you will see something peculiar as Texas guard Daniel Gibson attempts to defend a shot during Wednesday's game versus Texas A&M.
His pantleg is caught in mid-air, and apparently something else.
Oopsie, is that Gibson's manhood whipping around out there?
If you asked dozens of callers to the Bryan-College Station Eagle on Thursday morning, the answer was an emphatic "yes." They were outraged. They were mortified. They wanted the photographer fired, and some probably wanted him strung up on the center of campus.
It got so bad that the paper's executive editor wrote a commentary on the matter for today's edition, defending the newspaper and the photography staff.
I'm sure many people really want to believe that's Gibson's penis extending from his shorts because it makes for so many good "Ohmygawwwd did you see that?" conversations at the office water cooler.
But, like the executive editor of the Bryan-College Station Eagle said today, it was an optical illusion. What appears to be indecent exposure is actually light reflecting through Gibson's pants. Let me give you three items to consider:

1) The color of Texas' pants
The phallic-shaped opening near Gibson's crotch is actually his pant fabric caught in a flip. The air sailing underneath created a parachute effect, allowing the camera to capture the burnt-orange underside of Gibson's pants. When the light shined through to the camera lens, it created a color similar to dark-tone flesh. It was kind of a bad confluence of circumstances captured by the photographer: flesh-tone fabric and penis-shaped opening.

2) Photo reproduction on newsprint sometimes isn't the best
Anyone who works in the newspaper biz knows translating digital photo files to newsprint sometimes doesn't create the best picture quality. While there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with the quality of the photo in question, colors get mismatched and photos sometimes appear slightly blurred. That's especially true at a smaller newspaper, where the press technology might not be cutting-edge.

3) If that really was Gibson's penis, he had to have been playing with an 18-inch erection
That's just disturbing to think about. To me, the argument ends right there. I know the stereotype about black men and their anacondas, but there were no coinciding reports about Gibson pitching a circus tent out on the basketball court.

1 comment:

Joel said...

That was an incredibly in-depth assessment of dude's crank.

And yet I enjoyed it.